Painfully Good

Hey there, welcome back!

In the midst of the darkest moments of my life, a song emerged as a glimmer of hope and solace. The weight of pain and frustration seemed unbearable as life's events unraveled before me. It felt as though everything was crumbling, leaving me torn apart and crushed inside. Yet, I had to maintain a brave face for my children and family at large.

Amidst the darkness, I wrestled with my inner struggles, even to the point of contemplating the end. Yet, a force greater than my pain always pulled me back. The radiant smiles of my children, the joy they infused into my life, and the thought of their lives without me kept me grounded. It was a beacon of hope that, at the time, seemed insufficient to illuminate the goodness within our situation.

While I often directed blame at my ex-husband for the anguish, I recognized my own role in the story. Marriage, I came to understand, is a two-way journey. I grappled with my past decisions, realizing that youthful lack of trust in God (and lack of guidance too from my elders) had driven me to take matters into my own hands. Back then, I may not have comprehended this principle fully, but I saw my actions for what they were – misguided attempts. I'd sought to assist my then-boyfriend through life's trials, celebrating youthful achievements without considering God's wisdom. Even though I believed I had consulted God on our union, I understood now that He wouldn't honor a union that didn't honor Him.

As the storm raged within me, I couldn't escape the weight of my own foolishness and its consequences. My pursuit of healing led me down various paths, including group and individual therapy. In my vulnerability, I must confess that I initially sought relief in partying, which only brought fleeting comfort and further emotional harm. The pain I experienced was real and all-encompassing. Through therapy, I began to grasp the importance of focusing on the positive aspects of my past and present circumstances.

But how does one uncover goodness amid pain and distress? How do we praise a God we believe we've let down?

Gratitude, I discovered, held more power than guilt. Guided by the Christian melodies from my playlist, it wasn't very long before my prayers transformed from laments and anxieties to thanksgiving and praise. Stumbling upon the song 'God, You're So Good' during this pivotal moment was purely by divine arrangement.

The song's first verse resonated deeply with me, speaking of my love for God's grace, goodness, mercy, and love. I realized that the mere act of waking up that morning was a testament to His goodness. Furthermore, I had survived half the morning without food as a newbie in all-day fasting. My children had woken up with joy, good health and played with their friends without a care in the world. The utilities were still running and the grass in my garden was still flourishing despite some neighborhood water shortages we were experiencing at the time.

Then I landed on Cece Winan's 'Goodness of God'. The song's second verse struck a chord, reminding me that God had seen my children and I through the tornado of pain and darkness that had torn our family apart. He remained a loving Father and steadfast friend, not the harsh judge I had envisioned due to my guilt. Indeed, I had, and continued to see, the goodness of God by this visual representation, the evidence of His care.

Oh how both songs held true!!

Tears flowed freely, and with every breath, I sang my praises to God. Through repeated listens, I poured out gratitude and praise, counting the blessings within my circumstances:

• His heightened and continuous love and care

• His countless acts of salvation

• Provision amidst the storm, including a seemingly adverse job termination turned blessing

• Protection from further catastrophe

• Mercy and forgiveness for the follies of my youth

• The beauty surrounding me – my children, garden, music, and nature's melodies

• Revelation of finding goodness and praising Him in the face of pain, worry, anxiety and guilt

That time with God remains etched in my memory as life-altering. I still remember to this day, the peace that washed over me, lifting the weight I had carried. I also received deeper understanding of 'thanksgiving' found in Philippians 4:6-7 – to approach God with thanksgiving, releasing anxiety and receiving His transcendent peace. It is in thanksgiving that we unearth God's goodness, igniting hope for the path ahead. It breaks the chains the enemy has put on us, allowing us to perceive our circumstances through God's lens. The glass transforms from half-empty to half-full.

Today, Psalm 23:6 holds steadfast for my family and I, a testament to the transformation sparked by that song and its message. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life," just as the bridge of the Cece's song resounds. In embracing thanksgiving and praise, we embrace God's goodness and find hope in the midst of adversity, echoing His promise that we will dwell in His house forever.

By the way, both songs are a joy-filled encore to any gratitude session. Trust me, tissues will be a must!

Stay tuned, stay blessed!

Harmoniously yours!

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What song gets you into a praiseworthy thanksgiving fit?

Please share in the comments below.

We will also add it to the Songtimony Playlist on Spotify for everyone to be encouraged!